Forever Changed

Leaving Australia...

My last couple weeks in Oz were occupied with finishing assessments, studying, getting the particular papers signed so my church-life serving would be counted toward graduating, final touches on the house in order to hand over my keys...and then there was the actual Grad Dinner: full of music, friends, pretty pictures, crowd jumping/dancing ;) and mingling with everyone I've met throughout the year. And I'll never forget the ceremony when I walked across the stage to receive my Cert IV from Pastors Brian and Bobbie. There were several trips to the beach with people I love to hang out with, amazing late night chats with my best friends and housemates, several "final parties" and some one-on-one time that was spent reflecting on 2009. There has also been some restless nights and lazy days when I just can't clear my head to get anything done. And, not so much- did I enjoy the goodbyes, but I will keep moving ahead. I'm looking forward to the next chapter: the new people I will meet, the new things I will learn, and the new experiences that result from those.
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I, I'm just not sure how to explain to people how much this year at HILC has changed me. My personal life, my social life, my spiritual life; my dreams, my goals, my perspective; my word bank ;) even my choice of clothing! My devotion to Jesus, my worldview, my attitude toward materialism and technology, and dependency on other people, (and how-when things are made so easy for us- nobody wants to take time to use their brain to think for themselves!) My leadership style and even somewhat my personality within leadership(or should I say servanthood!), my work ethic and new understanding of boundaries within friendships. My view of what it means to be the church and be the change...

I could literally write something about each of the things listed. This task- actually being a goal in which I hope to accomplish someday. All I ask, dear God, is that you will radiate through me, that your love will pour out of me, and your Spirit will help me to encourage other people.

Goodbye for now, Australia-I'll be back someday soon. Hillsong, I thank you for furthering my knowledge about life and the One who created life. I won't ever forget my experience and everyone I met who made it even richer. I, um-I'm forever grateful and forever changed.

A Deep Sense of Appreciation

In lieu of Thanksgiving and the reminder from Pastor Brian to never lose your deep sense of appreciation, I started making a list of things that I appreciate deeply :)

30 things that I'm thankful for:

1. The change of seasons and the different colors they bring to the earth
   
2. Creativity and the opportunities to utilize and display it
3. People who give me tight hugs
4. A God who knows my heart and tenderly holds my dreams with care


5. My parents who love me allow me room to grow (even when it's on the other side of the world!)


6. My sisters who will do cheesy things with me just for the sake of fun


7. Rain. when I'm in a car. in my room. sitting on the porch. the sound it makes on the roof. the sound it makes when the wind blows it through the trees in my yard. the feeling of security and peace it gives me. how it feels on my open hand. the droplets it forms on my window.


8. All the customer service/public relations people that have ever served me in any sort of way. ie: custodians, secretaries, waiters, airline attendants/pilots/captains, etc.--all airport employees, pastors, technology support people, policemen, firemen, teachers, construction workers, realtors, fellow stage managers, amusement park employees, cashiers, baristas, bank tellers, anyone who has the desire to help in the medical field--God bless you, toll-booth operators, leaders who take people's attitudes so others don't have to...


9. Film-makers: yes I do appreciate the entertainment. Actually, a huge THANK YOU goes out to everyone involved in the production of movies, T.V. shows, albums, etc...


10. Authors--I do love a good read


11. Singers and songwriters! what can I say--you guys change the world.


12. Friends all around the globe-thank you for opening my American eyes


13. My peaceful home--and my peaceful room that I can escape to when I need time alone with Jesus
    
14. The ability to drive somewhere taking 10 minutes roundtrip, which would normally take an hour walking...


15. A comfy bed and a squishy pillow. enough said


16. The encouragement to DREAM BIG


17. God's promise. There's nothing to worry about, because He won't back down from His promise. [Ok, well then--use me as much as You want, God, cuz I'd rather play into Your plan instead of trying to fit You into mine!!]


18. The word, "the." It is, after all, used quite often; and I'm not sure what I'd do without it.


19. The ability to retain memories [and for my camera that helps capture them in a physical form]


20. The Holy Spirit who starts the day with me, helps me make decisions, and is always there to hold my hand. I mean...who wouldn't want that kind of friend?


21. Water and air conditioning on a hot day


22. Cleanliness


23. People who take the time to appreciate me


24. The opportunity to learn new skills


25. Relationships that allow me to be myself
    
26. Music. and how it fuels different emotions
    
27. On that note: emotions! without them, life would be pretty dang boring


28. Beautiful scenery and all of creation; and those who document it with a brush, paint, and/or writing utensils
    
29. Sweets! [ie: Krispy Kreme doughnuts, SourPatch, Pop-Tarts, Cinnamon buns, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Buttermints, Cake(from Costco!!), Snickerdoodles, Fudgy brownies.....ok, that's probably enough for now]


30. The ability to LOVE. the love between friends. love for my future husband. love for my family. love for those who don't necessarily like me. love for those in need. love for the church. love for the individuals in a crowd. love for God. love from God.

Your Request is Granted...

Every 2 months or so, I get a terrible stomach ache that doesn't go away for several days. I'm not sure what it is or why it happens... Yesterday, I woke up at 3:30am with it again. Knowing that I had to be up at 5:00 for stage managing, I tried my best to get a couple more hours of (unfortunately restless) sleep. I was determined to have a good morning because I had been looking forward to working with the two other girls that were rostered on my team. Before I left, God put Matthew 4:23 on my heart, so I opened it up and read,

"Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people (italics mine)."

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Lately, the idea of healing has been really heavy on my mind. It is one of those things that I will never understand, especially when, like with my current request, I don't receive the healing I ask for right away. The questions that i ask myself are, "Do I really believe He wants to and will do this? Do I trust in medicine and worldly inventions more than I do in my Creator?" Whoa.

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After reading "...and healing every disease and sickness among the people," I just sat there on my bed in unbelief that the Holy Spirit would guide me to such a specific verse. he does it often, but every time I am stunned by His intimate knowledge of my current needs. An answer to my questions before is simply, "No, I don't." If I'm really being honest with myself, I can close my eyes and wish with all my might that my faith is as sure as the Canaanite woman's in Matthew 15:21-28; but there's still a wall there in my heart--and I'm sad to conclude that my faith has mainly been based on experience to this point.

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It is certainly a journey, but God is revealing new ways to extend my faith without sight of the end result. Through church, lectures, chapels, conversations with friends, devotions, and assignments--as well as the research it has provoked--has encouraged me to pursue a childlike faith. This childlike faith believes whole-heartedly that my Father wants to bless me; it believes that He is the answer to anything I need; and it believes fully in the promises of God's Word-instead of letting human experiences dictate my personal faith. What an honor it would be to hear Jesus say to me, as He did to this woman in verse 28,

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"Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted."

Born to be Wild!

I started writing in my journal for the day and ended up with this:

"This is what I feel like one of my main purposes is in life: To...INSPIRE people."

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I guess every time that I write poems, songs, stories, or just recount lessons that I've learned in my personal journal--my hope is that someday (even if it's after I move to Heaven!) they will be used to impact someone's life. God has really placed that desire deep within me and I want to continue growing more in Him and learning who He is; and fully experiencing his grace and love, so that my God-vocabulary is rich with clarity. In one of my New Testament classes, we were to share one or two verses that sum up how we have felt the call of God on our lives personally, and what the Bible has to say about missions. Missions-- that could be taken in quite a few different angles, hey? Well, I chose these two scriptures to explain my interpretation:

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1. In Revelation 3, John, referring to the church in Laodicia, starting in verse 15 he writes God's words, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!" Then you can sense his vehement emotion, when he proclaims in verse 16, "So because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Clearly, God does not appreciate lazy, complacent followers--it actually sounds like He'd rather you not call yourself part of His family at all! But chin up--He goes on to end with a positive note: that those He rebukes and disciplines are the ones that He loves.

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2. Keep that in mind while reading the last part of Mark 7:24, "...yet he could not keep his presence secret." I want God's light to be radiating so bright within me that I CAN'T KEEP HIS PRESENCE SECRET!!

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...So my MISSION is to live a life full of passion and zeal for Christ and be so overwhelmed and filled to the brim with His presence that I can't keep this Man, who is the answer to life and hope for the world, a secret! To live a life that inspires other people to get off their butts and serve Him with everything they have because He LOVES us...that's a cause worth pursuing!

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To quote one of my leaders here at college, "If you can't be a wild non-Christian, you might as well be a wild Christian!"

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Choose to be HOT.

Moolah- (n) slang term for $

Money, money, money, money...money! (go ahead-sing the song) Why does moolah tend to control every aspect of life? Can’t do this, can’t go there, I have to buy these, how long is my hair?? Ok, ok-I just put in that last one cuz it rhymed (but, I do cut my own hair now haha). God has really been speaking to me about sharing and giving with a compassionate heart. He’s referring to sharing food, the laundry room, everything else in the house, giving time, resources, smiles, money...


Here's a little story: Let's face it, it's frustrating to me when I reach for a piece of gum from my bag and then 5 people around me either see my hand grabbing the pack of minty goodness or it wafts up into their nostrils as I slowly and quietly peel away the wrapper. Dude, my mom sent me that Big Red from home; I bought that Extra with my own Australian coins! Alright, why does this kind of thing bother me? It really shouldn't be a big deal.

I came to a simple realization—that when something isn’t mine (like a new pack of gum left behind at my house with nobody to claim it..woohoo!) then I don’t mind giving all of it away, since it was never mine to begin with. God was like, “Briana, nothing on Earth is truly yours, so, like this gum, you shouldn’t have a problem with giving freely, cheerfully, and willingly to others who may need it more than you.” Whoa, wait a minute! I have a budget, things to buy, places to go, a stomach to fill…and you want me to just keep giving and thinking of others needs before my own? God, you're asking too much, right? WRONG. I’m blessed to bless others. Period. And guess what? Even if you’ve heard this before, you've read it a million times, been there-done that..blah, blah. I get it; I do, but check it out one more time:

“One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. People curse the man who hoards grain, but blessing crowns him who is willing to sell.” [Proverbs 11:24-26]

Did you catch that? When you refresh someone else, God will refresh you--Because you're not focused on trying to refresh yourself, God takes care of it for you. What a relief! I can write from experience that He will keep this promise, but you'll never know how He's going to do it; which is exactly what makes life so curiously fun!

Now take a look at verse 27: "He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it." Hello! So, this is my mission: to seek good, not evil; and not to be a hoarder!

Sacrifice Releases Power

So, I really want to have at least one entry per month…if not for any other reason than at the end of the year to see every month listed on the left side with an arrow leading to a blog. It wouldn’t be complete if I skipped over one! But I keep putting this off. Why? Holy jeepers, it’s the end of JULY already and I have so much in my heart that I want to share. Maybe I don’t do it because I sort of have a theme to every day of my life and then when I get behind in writing about them I feel overwhelmed. Of course, I write in my personal journal, but not everything has to be public knowledge. (And not everything would be that interesting to you anyway) Wear your heart on your sleeve? Yeah ok, well-don’t wear all your organs on your sleeve (it gets a bit messy...). There’s just something about sharing personal stories and lessons I’ve learned etc. with other people. For me, sometimes I save the special ones so I can bring something new up in one-on-one conversations. If everyone knows about everything you’ve done with your life, then nothing will be refreshing; no more inspiring revelations to bring to the table. No light bulbs will be going off in their heads because most of the time, let’s face it, as soon as someone realizes they’ve heard a story before, their brain shuts off. And just the fact that they’ve already heard it somehow becomes the grounds for them to puff up with pride—like they’ve taken ownership of your story and no longer need to listen for the punch line or underlying message. Do you know what I mean? Maybe I’m the one with the pride issue, but I like contributing to conversations and taking people off guard when they realize I actually have something legitimate to say. haha! Did I actually just write that? It’s true. People underestimate me, but you know… I find that I kind of like it that way because I’d rather be the underdog than the arrogant know-it-all.

All that aside (albeit the reason for my general, not always so up-close-and-personal notes)…Encouragement that I have for you right now: A major change of subject, but this is what I thought of. I’d like you to ponder what you can sacrifice for the sake of others. John Richard Wimber put it this way, “Sacrifice releases power. The greater the sacrifice, the greater the power released.” Do you truly know what it means to think of others before yourself? Have you ever really tried to live out this way of thinking? I’m starting to grow more in this area of my life-not just because I’m off in a different country and am learning to live closer to God while I’m at Bible college, but because it’s exactly what He asks me to do. We’re supposed to be like Jesus and serve others with Him in mind. But hey, I’m not forcing you to wash other people’s feet, although if the opportunity arises-maybe that IS what you should do… I am just suggesting that you should do a heart check—perhaps a “where am I spending my money” check or “how much time do I waste on things that only benefit me” check. Die to yourself, kneel at His feet, and think about the power that He’ll bestow upon you when you willingly decide to give up your current desires. Practical advice: Do the dishes for your mom, open up to your family about your personal life, answer those emails the first time you read them, offer to pay for the coffee of the person standing in front of you at Starbucks, stick around to hear the real answer to the everyday questions you ask people, get a baby-sitter for a night to spend some quality time with your spouse, set up the chairs at church, sit down and make a list of all the people you told you would pray for..and then actually pray for them-daily. Just do something out of the ordinary for another person to make them feel special, stop worrying about what you can get out of life, and start making it better for someone else.

Frolicking (You should try it)

A song is one of the most powerful communication devices that you'll ever encounter. Songs stick in your mind, you hum them subconsciously, they give people a common ground- it is possible that a song can change your life...
While I'm working on songs of my own, I also take plenty of time to appreciate what's already been written. Now, this song may be cheesy, but I happen to like it immensely. It just reminds me to keep my standards high and never settle for less than God's best. Ultimately, I will end up in Heaven forever and ever after and the fact that the Holy Spirit brings a bit of Heaven inside of me right now, today, on Earth- just excites, encourages, and strengthens me even more.

Plus this song makes me think of running around in a wide open meadow--and to be honest, sometimes I just get the urge to frolic.

P.S. Meriam Webster literally defines frolic as "to play and run about happily".

:]

EVER EVER AFTER

Recorded by Carrie Underwood

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Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do

In our secretest heart, it's our favorite part of the story

Let's just admit we all want to make it to

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Ever ever after

If we just don't get it our own way

Ever ever after

It may only be a wish away

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Start a new fashion,

Wear your heart on your sleeve

Sometimes you reach what's realest

By making believe

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Unafraid, unashamed

There is joy to be claimed

In this world

You even might wind up

Being glad to be you

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Ever ever after

Though the world will tell you

It's not smart

Ever ever after

The world can be yours

If you let your heart

Believe in ever after

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No wonder your heart feels it's flying

Your head feels it's spinning

Each happy ending's a brand new beginning

Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through

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To ever ever after

Forever could even start today

Ever ever after

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Maybe it's just one wish away

Your ever ever after

Oh, for ever ever after

Caution?

Before I get the chance to write a full entry, I just wanted to share a little food for thought... something that I read in my devotions:

"We may think we are being appropriately sensible when we measure the wind and waves and proceed with caution. But Jesus urges us to ignore them altogether and fix our eyes on Him."

This is HUGE for me. Too often I think I'm being prudent in my cautious attitude; and even though it's important not to be reckless with my actions or make irresponsible decisions, God doesn't want me to be overly-cautious because of things going on around me. He calls to me, wants me to listen to HIS voice, and let everything else fade away.
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On a silly note:

I saw some kangaroos in the wild! hehe

The picture is blurry because we didn't want to scare them off with a flash, but I literally saw over 25 kangaroos that day! (including a dead one on the side of the road...)

And the video is blurry because of the internet upload, but if you look closely enough, you can at least see the few kangaroos that started hopping away...especially the one at the end :)

Singing Heart

During Colour Conference 1 & 2 and Album Recording these past couple weeks, I served at the Kids' Welcome Table. Every day was pretty full on- with early mornings and late nights, but it was so worth the work to be able to bless others and experience this gathering of women for conference and fellow worhippers for the live recording! As you can imagine, though, my body got pretty weak. Lack of sleep and rainy mornings causing damp clothes that took forever to dry-- didn't really help either. As per my previous decision to not let circumstances overcome my attitude, I tried my best to look at all my situations with a different perspective. So here's my story:

As a result of pushing through being so sick-I actually lost my voice the day after Album. For a couple days I really couldn't talk at all, which wasn't super ideal since my job was to talk to the parents as they dropped their kids off and answer any questions they had... And during worship!! ahh! I was so irritated that every time I got to sit in on a worship session during the 2nd conference, I couldn't actually sing :( So as I'm standing there mouthing the words to my favorite new songs, trying with frustrated effort to make some sort of beautiful sound, it got me thinking:

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Maybe I get too caught up in thoughts about how good my own worship sounds and get so distracted by this that I fail to recognize His desire for my heart to be singing.

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It might be time to get my eyes off of myself and what I can do: Look to Him and what He's already done for me.

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Gradually my lower register came back-- so now I can either talk like a guy going through puberty or just whisper haha. I'm patiently awaiting the day that the rest of my voice will be restored, but while I can't sing a song in tune, I will still be making a joyful noise to Him in my heart!

Masterpiece

Lately, for some reason, my self esteem has been super low. I feel so small and insignificant; and the temptation to shrink back in fear and inhibition takes priority over my life. Negativity starts seeping into the core of my being and every situation that is thrown at me gets filtered through this pessimism....Hard work with no immediate results: then, why am I doing these meaningless tasks? And don't get me started on insecurity--almost everyone I know is a freaking awesome musician, with major talent, and beautiful personality. What unique offering do I have to give?

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Three thoughts:

1. "There is blessing to hard work. Do not see it as emptiness or a nuisance; see it as an opportunity. When you get a sense of your divine purpose, a sense that this is about something much bigger than you, even if the task at hand seems distant from what is in your heart, know that it is God-given. Allow the fact that God has called you and positioned you exactly where you are to energize your heart."

-Brian Houston, For This I Was Born

Literally a day before I read this excerpt from Pastor Brian's book, I was feeling like several of the tasks at hand were "distant from what's in my heart"; and there-he practically took the words from my mouth and handed them back to me covered with encouragement and energy for my heart.

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2. "As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit-just as it has taught you, remain in him...so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."

-1 John 2:27-28

A week ago, I stumbled upon these inspiring verses in 1 John during my own time with God; and then Darlene Zschech spoke it over us at a Hillsong Creative meeting so we could be "confident and unashamed" to stand in and lead others into His presence!

Confident and Unashamed

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3.

"The pessimist complains about the wind.

The optimist expects it to change.

The leader adjusts the sails."

-John Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You

This whole week, I've been struggling with my negative attitude. I got stuck in the "I know that I have a bad attitude toward all my situations-- just leave me alone and let me be mad right now!" sort of mood. The above quote came from an assignment for my Personal Leadership class this week, which was to read the chapter, "The Extra Plus of Leadership: Attitude," of John Maxwell's book, Developing the Leader Within You. Ok, ok. I get the picture: I'm at a leadership college, training to be a leader; so it would be wise if I took control of my feelings and changed my attitude. He also shared in this chapter that, "Leadership has less to do with position than it does disposition." So, it doesn't matter if I'm assigned to the lowest possible position-I won't complain, I'll adjust my attitude.

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Isn't it amazing how, when you are so in tune with and sensitive to the Holy Spirit, He builds every detail of your life into a masterpiece...slowly revealing new bits and pieces that perfectly fit together.

God is energizing my heart!

I am anointed. I am confident. I am unashamed. I can change my attitude. I have a specific purpose. I have something unique to offer. I am a leader :)

Stripped

This no internet at home thing has been a major test for me. Do you realize how much we rely on the internet? I mean really. Try going a week, a few days, or even just a day without it. It’s like I’ve been stripped of everything that is familiar to me: my parents, my sisters, my closest friends, as well as everyone I know at church, work, and school; the students in the youth group, and the kids that I babysit… I would see them every week and/or they all used to be easily contacted through the internet or a simple text message/phone call that doesn’t cost a week’s worth of budget haha. That’s been one of the hardest things in my life thus far: the inability to talk to my family at my convenience.

So, I’m in an unfamiliar place, with hundreds of new faces, a different culture, experiencing new things, and no one here knows me as me, but Jesus. I liked to think before that I found my identity in Christ, but unfortunately I can see now that I found my identity more so in my music, my jeep (oh how I miss that piece of junk), my family, my friends, the way people perceive me on facebook, my room and personal style, my church, my talents, my accomplishments, even in the connections I’ve made and the height on the “ladder” on which I’ve started to climb. Chris Hill, a renowned speaker who works alongside T.D. Jakes, came to Hillsong a few weeks ago and reminded us that sometimes you have to be completely stripped of your old ways in order to get ready for the new blessings and plan for your life that God has prepared. But during the in-between time, you feel uncomfortable and naked. Welp, that’s where I am…

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience…And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” –Colossians 3:12, 14

Considering the fact that yesterday was Valentine's Day, I especially want to remind everyone to put on love. One of the mottos that is at the heart of Hillsong Church is, "Love God, Love life, Love people."

I am so ready to be clothed!

Just a side note: We got our internet on the same day that my new niece, Lydia, was born--which is such a God thing because I really wished that I could be there, but at least I was able to see pictures of her right away!

No Worries!

I’ve tried many times to complete this blogpost, but for some reason I can’t seem to focus on finishing the task. Perhaps it’s because the internet company is being SLOW and I don’t have it at my house yet and I feel as though even if I do write it, it’s going to be even more of a task to actually post it; or because it’s difficult around here to have any sort of alone time every once in awhile (I totally took those times for granted at home). Maybe it’s just because every time I sit down to explain my thoughts, I keep adding more to the list of content that I want to include and I give up… Well, here’s the first of my lessons learned:

<---When I walked home from school today, it randomly hit me that I am currently residing in Sydney, Australia-- and I couldn’t stop smiling! I guess it’s because I’ve been so focused on meeting new people, getting everything in my life in order, starting school, getting familiar with the church and the area, organizing the house, making sure I have food…that I forgot to stop and think about what an amazing experience God is allowing me to live out right now. :) A common phrase heard here is “no worries.” People say it all the time, especially in response to “Thank you” or, “I’m sorry.” I like it!

“So, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” –Matthew 6:31-34

I was pulling weeds this afternoon, preparing for our house inspection on Wednesday, and getting frustrated that because it’s been so flipping hot, everything is dead in our backyard. A couple hours later, it started raining. It didn’t rain for long, but I was so thankful for the change in weather. Oh my gosh, am I ever thankful to sit on my bed and have a cool breeze blowing in the window rather than sweating to death cuz it’s too expensive to have the AC running all the time… God knows what we need--No worries!

Safe in Sydney

First glimpse of Sydney's coastline!

Just a quick note to let everyone back home know that I arrived late Tuesday night, January 13th! It's been a good and overwhelming/amazing/crazy/pull my hair out at times/inspiring/emotional/enlightening week and a half haha.

I've already met so many people that are on fire for God and I also already started to get involved in the church office :) I can't wait to keep you all updated on my experiences here-- I know there's going to be so much to share within a year since I feel like I could write a book on just this past week!

Make sure to check back for pictures and my attempt to put into words all the thoughts that are swarming around in my head.

Miss you all and talk to you very soon!