Masterpiece

Lately, for some reason, my self esteem has been super low. I feel so small and insignificant; and the temptation to shrink back in fear and inhibition takes priority over my life. Negativity starts seeping into the core of my being and every situation that is thrown at me gets filtered through this pessimism....Hard work with no immediate results: then, why am I doing these meaningless tasks? And don't get me started on insecurity--almost everyone I know is a freaking awesome musician, with major talent, and beautiful personality. What unique offering do I have to give?

...

Three thoughts:

1. "There is blessing to hard work. Do not see it as emptiness or a nuisance; see it as an opportunity. When you get a sense of your divine purpose, a sense that this is about something much bigger than you, even if the task at hand seems distant from what is in your heart, know that it is God-given. Allow the fact that God has called you and positioned you exactly where you are to energize your heart."

-Brian Houston, For This I Was Born

Literally a day before I read this excerpt from Pastor Brian's book, I was feeling like several of the tasks at hand were "distant from what's in my heart"; and there-he practically took the words from my mouth and handed them back to me covered with encouragement and energy for my heart.

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2. "As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit-just as it has taught you, remain in him...so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."

-1 John 2:27-28

A week ago, I stumbled upon these inspiring verses in 1 John during my own time with God; and then Darlene Zschech spoke it over us at a Hillsong Creative meeting so we could be "confident and unashamed" to stand in and lead others into His presence!

Confident and Unashamed

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3.

"The pessimist complains about the wind.

The optimist expects it to change.

The leader adjusts the sails."

-John Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You

This whole week, I've been struggling with my negative attitude. I got stuck in the "I know that I have a bad attitude toward all my situations-- just leave me alone and let me be mad right now!" sort of mood. The above quote came from an assignment for my Personal Leadership class this week, which was to read the chapter, "The Extra Plus of Leadership: Attitude," of John Maxwell's book, Developing the Leader Within You. Ok, ok. I get the picture: I'm at a leadership college, training to be a leader; so it would be wise if I took control of my feelings and changed my attitude. He also shared in this chapter that, "Leadership has less to do with position than it does disposition." So, it doesn't matter if I'm assigned to the lowest possible position-I won't complain, I'll adjust my attitude.

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Isn't it amazing how, when you are so in tune with and sensitive to the Holy Spirit, He builds every detail of your life into a masterpiece...slowly revealing new bits and pieces that perfectly fit together.

God is energizing my heart!

I am anointed. I am confident. I am unashamed. I can change my attitude. I have a specific purpose. I have something unique to offer. I am a leader :)

Stripped

This no internet at home thing has been a major test for me. Do you realize how much we rely on the internet? I mean really. Try going a week, a few days, or even just a day without it. It’s like I’ve been stripped of everything that is familiar to me: my parents, my sisters, my closest friends, as well as everyone I know at church, work, and school; the students in the youth group, and the kids that I babysit… I would see them every week and/or they all used to be easily contacted through the internet or a simple text message/phone call that doesn’t cost a week’s worth of budget haha. That’s been one of the hardest things in my life thus far: the inability to talk to my family at my convenience.

So, I’m in an unfamiliar place, with hundreds of new faces, a different culture, experiencing new things, and no one here knows me as me, but Jesus. I liked to think before that I found my identity in Christ, but unfortunately I can see now that I found my identity more so in my music, my jeep (oh how I miss that piece of junk), my family, my friends, the way people perceive me on facebook, my room and personal style, my church, my talents, my accomplishments, even in the connections I’ve made and the height on the “ladder” on which I’ve started to climb. Chris Hill, a renowned speaker who works alongside T.D. Jakes, came to Hillsong a few weeks ago and reminded us that sometimes you have to be completely stripped of your old ways in order to get ready for the new blessings and plan for your life that God has prepared. But during the in-between time, you feel uncomfortable and naked. Welp, that’s where I am…

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience…And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” –Colossians 3:12, 14

Considering the fact that yesterday was Valentine's Day, I especially want to remind everyone to put on love. One of the mottos that is at the heart of Hillsong Church is, "Love God, Love life, Love people."

I am so ready to be clothed!

Just a side note: We got our internet on the same day that my new niece, Lydia, was born--which is such a God thing because I really wished that I could be there, but at least I was able to see pictures of her right away!

No Worries!

I’ve tried many times to complete this blogpost, but for some reason I can’t seem to focus on finishing the task. Perhaps it’s because the internet company is being SLOW and I don’t have it at my house yet and I feel as though even if I do write it, it’s going to be even more of a task to actually post it; or because it’s difficult around here to have any sort of alone time every once in awhile (I totally took those times for granted at home). Maybe it’s just because every time I sit down to explain my thoughts, I keep adding more to the list of content that I want to include and I give up… Well, here’s the first of my lessons learned:

<---When I walked home from school today, it randomly hit me that I am currently residing in Sydney, Australia-- and I couldn’t stop smiling! I guess it’s because I’ve been so focused on meeting new people, getting everything in my life in order, starting school, getting familiar with the church and the area, organizing the house, making sure I have food…that I forgot to stop and think about what an amazing experience God is allowing me to live out right now. :) A common phrase heard here is “no worries.” People say it all the time, especially in response to “Thank you” or, “I’m sorry.” I like it!

“So, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” –Matthew 6:31-34

I was pulling weeds this afternoon, preparing for our house inspection on Wednesday, and getting frustrated that because it’s been so flipping hot, everything is dead in our backyard. A couple hours later, it started raining. It didn’t rain for long, but I was so thankful for the change in weather. Oh my gosh, am I ever thankful to sit on my bed and have a cool breeze blowing in the window rather than sweating to death cuz it’s too expensive to have the AC running all the time… God knows what we need--No worries!

Safe in Sydney

First glimpse of Sydney's coastline!

Just a quick note to let everyone back home know that I arrived late Tuesday night, January 13th! It's been a good and overwhelming/amazing/crazy/pull my hair out at times/inspiring/emotional/enlightening week and a half haha.

I've already met so many people that are on fire for God and I also already started to get involved in the church office :) I can't wait to keep you all updated on my experiences here-- I know there's going to be so much to share within a year since I feel like I could write a book on just this past week!

Make sure to check back for pictures and my attempt to put into words all the thoughts that are swarming around in my head.

Miss you all and talk to you very soon!

Pure Joy

Merry Christmas to all!

I have no idea why I agreed to work on Christmas Eve this year…my thought was that “no one really waits until the very last minute to shop, do they?” Umm, was I OH SO wrong! My morning started out with a long line of full shopping carts and several rude customers thinking that I should cater to their every need…and that I should know what those needs are without them asking. sheesh.

Working retail for the past few months has definitely opened my eyes to things that I have never been exposed to. Gosh, I ask myself all the time now, “do I ever act like that while waiting in line?” .. “do I ever treat employees/waiters with such disrespect?” .. “do my facial expressions ever look that sour?” I have so much admiration for the people in retail or any sort of business that deals with hundreds of people every day—you guys don’t ever get the appreciation you deserve, so thank you!

Being at the customer service desk at Ross has also revealed many of my own weaknesses. I get way too easily annoyed with uptight and impatient people and take things too personally. Often, I find myself wanting to make the transaction go slower, just to tick them off; but, then I realize that means I’ll have to deal with them longer, so I go back to being quick about it. Yes, I’m man enough.. woman enough? oh whatever, you know what I mean.. :) to admit that the deciding factor to be kinder to people I don’t know, is for my own selfish reasons rather than taking into account the realization that God loves them and he wants me to love them as well!

There was a quote I read a couple weeks ago, although I can’t remember where, and it really stuck with me: “Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” So true. That’s what I’ve been working on—being kinder than necessary—and it’s a lot harder than what I first thought. Every time I feel myself being sucked into the world’s bitter/angry/depressing attitude, I have to quickly snap out of it and remember to enjoy life.

What does James remind us in his first chapter? To “consider it pure JOY..whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything…Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (vv 2-4, 12)

I don’t want to quit under trying circumstances or give up when people make me mad. (with everything that has transpired over the last several months, believe me when I say that on many occasions I wanted to throw something across the room and watch it break into hundreds of little pieces. or else just scream as loud as I could into my pillow) No, I want to be mature and complete! I want to stand and say that I will let go of my will and receive His gift—the crown of life—this Christmas.